


Playing The Cards Right

by Darth_Cass



Series: Sam And Max Wedding Week 2021 [1]
Category: Poker Night 2, Sam & Max (Comics)
Genre: Comedy, Fluff, M/M, Marriage Proposal, Poker, The vibe of this fic I'm going for is be gay do crimes, feel kind of redundant tagging a poker night 2 fic with poker but whatever
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-04
Updated: 2021-01-04
Packaged: 2021-03-15 03:00:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,106
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28556508
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Darth_Cass/pseuds/Darth_Cass
Summary: Max fills in for the player during a tournament, but is it really just a regular poker game? Written for Sam and Max Wedding Week 2021
Relationships: Max/Sam (Sam & Max)
Series: Sam And Max Wedding Week 2021 [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2093796
Comments: 6
Kudos: 72





	Playing The Cards Right

It was a normal evening at the Inventory, or at least as normal as a club for characters from various media to play poker could be. The usual cast sat around waiting for the game to start. Brock was twirling around his Bowie knife, ever vigilant of any danger as always. Claptrap was spinning around in place, amusing himself by trying to discover if a robot could make himself dizzy. Ash tapped his robotic hand against the table, eager to start the tournament. Sam sat with his feet up on the table, humming to himself. Max, never one to stray too far from Sam (well except for the other poker tournament Max used to participate in) sat in his regular booth attempting to build a war fortress with some cards he sto- _borrowed_. 

Despite the relative normality of this scene, there was one key component that seemed to be missing. 

“Yo, she-bot.” Ash exclaimed, “Any idea when the player’s gonna get here? It’s been forever!”

The ‘she-bot’ in question, known more commonly as GLaDOS swooped down from her normal spot high above the inventory. “I was unaware that 20 minutes and forever now have the same definition. I will have to update my internal dictionary accordingly.” 

“Ha. Ha. Funny.” Ash grumbled. “Seriously though, any idea where the hell they are?” 

At that moment, Reginald Winslow walked in the room. “I’ve just gotten word that the player is unable to attend the tournament this evening.” This announcement caused a stir among all the Inventory guests as they all murmured among themselves.

After a minute or so Brock eventually spoke up. “So being here’s just a waste of time then.” He thought about what he just said. “A bigger waste than usual,” he clarified.

“Unless we can find someone to replace my second-least favourite mute for this evening, then yes,” GLaDOS answered. 

“What about Steve?” Claptrap asked. “He’s usually around here somewhere.” In response Steve entered in with a hopeful sounding “Heyooo!” 

“Does he even know how to play poker?” Ash asked. 

“Uh……No, no he doesn’t. Sorry Steve, maybe next time!” 

“Heyoooo…” Steve walked out of the room slowly, his head hung low.

“Anyway,” Sam said, “What about Max? He knows how play, sort of.”

“Huh what about me?” Max asked from on top of his surprisingly sturdy and now completed playing card fortress.

“Isn’t he banned from playing here, because of eating the poker chips?” Brock asked

“If they weren’t meant to be eaten, they shouldn’t be called chips.”

“While that is the case,” GLaDOS answered, ignoring the lagomorph’s outburst, “Our options are rather limited at the moment. Besides there’s an experiment I’ve been meaning to try out that might help his impulse eating problem.” 

“Wait don’t your experiments have a tendency to be….lethal?” Sam eyed the homicidal robot warily. 

“Only occasionally. If it makes you feel any better the mortality rate of this experiment should be statistically low. No more than 0.00001 percent.”

“Laaaaame!” Max exclaimed. “What’s the point of being in an experiment involving a homicidal robot with no risk of death?”

“Max, no! We’re not dealing with your death again.”

“Spoilsport.”

“Your interest in future experiments has been noted. Regardless, I’m only the card dealer I don’t get final say in lifting your ban.” All eyes turned to Winslow, eager to see what the host’s answer would be.

“Well, I suppose desperate times call for desperate measures. Very well, just this once you may join this tournament and fill the player’s vacant seat.” 

“Sweet!” Max jumped down from his self-made fortress, completely toppling it in the process. He made his way to the seat quickly. “Huh, so this is what the table looks like from this perspective, neat!”

Winslow cleared his throat to get all the players' attention. “Now then gentlemen, if you’ll all ante up.” 

“Wait, I don’t have any money.” Max exclaimed. He wasn’t allowed to carry money anymore. Not since….the incident. 

“Don’t worry Max.” Sam placed his money on the table. “I’ll cover for you this time.”

“Aw gee, thanks Sam.” 

The game was then finally able to begin. Naturally as soon as the poker chips appeared Max just had to eat one. As soon as he held one to put it in his mouth, he suddenly felt himself being sprayed with water.

“No. Stop. Bad lagomorph.” GLaDOS deadpanned.

Max tried to ignore her and continue enjoying his delicious plastic treat. But the second a poker chip got too close to his mouth he found himself doused with water and admonished like he was some pet cat. It was enough to make a guy wish for something that actually did involve the threat of death. It’d be less humiliating anyway.

“Wow that actually worked, nice one toots!” Claptrap gazed up at GLaDOS with a look of adoration. Or at least he attempted to, expressions were hard when you don’t actually have a face. “This is why you’re the only girl for me babe. I just -AH HEY QUIT IT!” Claptrap began twitching with sparks of electricity as he was sprayed with water.

“I should have tried this experiment ages ago.” GLaDOS commented, with a hint of amusement in her robotic voice. 

With the deterrent in place preventing Max from actually eating the chips (although, as a result of his garbage short-term memory it didn’t stop him from attempting it every five minutes or so) the tournament proceeded more or less the same as every other tournament. Every player would occasionally share an amusing anecdote or make a humorous comment. In fact, most of what was said had been said at previous tournaments. Not that it bothered Max any since, again, his memory was so bad it could rival a certain blue fish from a successful CGI animated movie series. 

As the game went on Max was doing really well, impressively so for someone who only half-understood the rules and thought a royal flush referred to a king’s toilet. The other players were soon eliminated one by one until the only other opponent left was Sam. It made a certain amount of sense after all, if anyone could come even close to understanding Max’s strategy it was Sam. 

“And then there were two.” Max narrated, in a manner that would rival any movie trailer voice. “Two partners forced to face each other one on one. Will their relationship survive the turmoil of a high-stake poker game? Or will it all fall to ruins. Find out tonight on-“ 

“Knock it off, bonehead.” Sam groaned, with a hint of a smile on his face. 

Despite his attempt at creating some dramatic tension, Max had most of the chips currently (they taunted him with their forbidden deliciousness) and if Max understood how his cards looked, especially with what the flop showed, it was looking more like a one-sided massacre than a fair match. Max would have almost felt bad if it weren’t for the fact that Sam handled all their money anyway. Sam went all-in, Max called the bet, and with the reveal of their hands it was all over. 

“The winner of tonight’s tournament is Max!” Winslow announced.

“Good game, Max.”

“Thanks, Sam!” Max turned his face upwards towards the card dealer and made a sort of grabbing motion. “Now show me the money! Come on, come on, come on!” In compliance to his request the chips were swiftly replaced with what looked to be about $80, 000 and some sort of small box. “Did someone forget to bring actual money again?”

“Not quite, little buddy.” Sam got out of his seat with a soft smile. He got up out of his seat and grabbed the box. He then got down on one knee, and opened it revealing a ring. Max’s eyes widened as he realized what this meant. “Max, my rambunctious crime fighting partner. Will you do me the honor and privilege of-“ 

“YES!” Max lunged out of his seat tackling his poor partner to the ground, planting as many smooches as he could on Sam’s muzzle. “Yes, yes, yes! Of course, I’ll marry you, Max – I mean Sam.” 

Sam let out a brief chuckle as he stood back up, Max still clinging to him naturally. “You’re supposed to let me finish before you answer melonhead.” 

“Oh, right right. Okay go ahead.” 

“Max, will you marry me?” 

“Hmmmmm…Maybe, depends on if I can fit it in to my busy schedule.” 

“I’m sure we can make it work.” Sam kissed Max on the forehead and made his way to the nearest chair. Adjusting Max so that he’d be sitting on his lap rather than dangling like a bizarre piece of living jewelry. Once properly sat down, Sam placed the ring onto to Max's finger who squealed appreciatively. 

“Ugh we get it; you guys are in love no need to be so obnoxious about it!” Claptrap complained as he made his way over to the happily engaged couple. 

“Aw don’t listen to him,” Ash said as hit Claptrap with his robot hand. “Congrats fellas.” 

Brock walked over holding a beer from the bar in his hand. He held it up as a toast. “Here’s hoping to years of happiness for you two.” He then took a swig while everyone who actually had a drink did the same.

“Hope it works out for you guys better than it did for the failed librarian here.” Ash glared at the robot as he spoke, his hand inching toward his chainsaw. “I’m kidding, I’m kidding. Geez no need to be so touchy.” 

“Aw gee, thanks guys.” Sam said. “It means a lot, really.”

“Wait a minute,” Max said, squinting his eyes and glaring at everyone. “Was this all some kind of elaborate set up?”

“After the last tournament Sam pulled us aside and asked if we’d be willing to throw this game, so he could do this whole cheesy proposal,” Ash explained. 

“The player even agreed to sit this game out.” Sam said. 

“Likely because they got tired of losing constantly.” GLaDOS said.

“Well, yeah probably. It was still appreciated though.”

“Since the game itself was fake, we didn’t put in real money either.” Brock said. Ash and Claptrap turned to Brock in confusion. Brock moved his fingers to his temple, to try to rub out the inevitable headache he could feel oncoming. “…Don’t tell me you idiots used real money.” 

“…Okay we won’t tell you that.” Claptrap said.

“What’s the big deal?” Ash asked. “The game was fake so we’re just gonna get our money back anyway, yeah?”

“Wait for it,” Brock murmured. 

“Now hold on just a minute!” Max exclaimed, hopping off of Sam’s lap and running toward the money on the table. He laid on top of it like a mother hen protecting her chicks. “I earned this money fair and square!”

“And there it is.”

“We literally just told you that the game was rigged.” Ash complained. 

“That sounds like a you problem.” Max grabbed the money and immediately put it in the same place he keeps his gun, ignoring the protests of Ash and Claptrap.

"Is this even allowed?" Ash asked, turning to Winslow. 

"Well he did win, according to the Inventory policies that money is now rightfully his. Just because you all had an agreement to let him win does not change that fact." 

"Suckers!" Max exclaimed.

“Thanks for contributing to our wedding fund,” Sam said as Max gleefully made his way back onto Sam’s lap. “With this kind of money, we could afford to have this wedding somewhere pretty fancy too. What do you think about a wedding in Hawaii, little buddy?”

“Oooooh yeah, a wedding in a volcano would be great!”

“Yeah sure, whatever,” Ash grumbled. “Wait what do you mean _this_ wedding?” 

“Oh, Max and I have gotten married tons of times.”

“About five times now!” 

“I thought It was six, remember Vegas? That time with the imposter Elvis impersonator?” 

“Oh right! I forgot about that one! Man, that wig sure was flammable.”

“Anyway, Max and I have made it a sort of game to try to re-propose in different ways to surprise each other.”

“Marriage is a competition and we’re winning!” 

“You should have seen what happened last time Max proposed. The entire Northern Hemisphere still hasn’t recovered.”

“That was pretty good.” Max admired his ring, contemplating whether this ring would taste as good as the previous ones. “I’m going to have to try way harder next time to top this one though. What could be more romantic than getting your poker buddies to fund your volcano-based wedding?”

“You crack me up little buddy.”

**Author's Note:**

> I had a blast writing this fic. Poker Night 2 is how I got into Sam and Max so this game has a very special place in my heart. It's only fitting that my first Sam and Max fic is Poker Night-based. A HUGE thank you to my friend Billie for editing this, you're the best and I appreciate you dearly.


End file.
